living alongside cancer:
Reflections From a Psychologist in Cancer Care
Insights into the inner psychological experience of living alongside cancer
A patient once asked me a question at the end of an appointment, just as her hand was on the door.
“Is it normal,” she said, “to feel like my whole life has been rearranged overnight?”
It is a question I hear in many different forms. Cancer begins as a medical diagnosis, but it quickly becomes something more complicated—a psychological experience that touches identity, relationships, and the way people imagine their future.
Over time, I’ve come to appreciate that much of the work of cancer care happens outside the exam room. It unfolds quietly: after appointments, late at night, in the long spaces between scans, when people begin trying to make sense of a life that suddenly feels uncertain.
This blog is about that part of the experience—the inner work of living with cancer.
When illness enters a life, it changes more than the body—it reshapes the life around it.
I’m Jae Ross, a clinical psychologist working in cancer care. In my work, I sit with people as their lives are interrupted, reshaped, and, at times, completely reorganized by illness. Much of what they are navigating is visible—diagnoses, treatments, side effects—but just as much unfolds quietly: the shift in identity, the loss of familiar roles, the uncertainty that doesn’t resolve, and the questions that don’t have answers. These experiences are deeply human, and yet often difficult to name, even to oneself.
This space was created to give language to that inner experience—something I witness, again and again, in the room.
Grounded in evidence-based psychology and shaped by years of clinical work, this work rests on a simple understanding: people want to be seen, heard, and accompanied. If something here feels familiar, you are not alone in finding your way through it.
Important Note: The reflections shared here are for informational and educational purposes only and do not substitute for clinical therapy or establish a therapeutic relationship. I do not provide crisis or emergency services through this blog. If you are in immediate distress, please contact your local emergency services.
These reflections are drawn from my work and experience over many years, but they are my own and do not represent any institution with which I am affiliated.
Jae Lee Ross, PsyD / Clinical Psychologist specIalizing in psycho-oncology, serious illness, end-of-life, and bereavement
About the Author
Jae Ross, is a clinical psychologist specializing in oncology and serious illness. In his clinical work, he supports individuals navigating the psychological impact of cancer across the continuum of care, including diagnosis, treatment, survivorship, and end-of-life.
His writing is a form of reflective, clinically grounded nonfiction that uses brevity, rhythm, and space to mirror psychological experience. It focuses on the inner psychological experience of illness—particularly how cancer reshapes identity, roles, relationships, and one’s sense of self.
Through the Living Alongside Cancer series, he translates clinical insight into accessible reflections that help readers better understand and navigate the emotional and existential dimensions of serious illness.
Helpful Videos & Further Reading
A video explaining why avoiding painful feelings can feel protective at first. But over time, it can quietly shrink the space we live in
This meditation is developed by Stanford University as part of Empowered Relief, an intervention for pain management. This meditation uses binaural technology to enhance the effectiveness of the meditation. If possible, listen to the meditation with headphones or earbuds for maximum effect. Although headphones or earbuds are preferred, they are not necessary to experience benefit from the meditation.
A video reflecting on the fluctuating process of grief.